Anger & Anxiety - To the Point
Lately, I have realized how important it is for me to have a morning wellness routine. I can positively admit that I have been completely out of whack recently, yet so on point in other ways. I am consistently eating healthier, working out 4-5 times a week, drinking tons of water and my skincare routine has never been better; but my mind isn’t all there.
Since becoming a Mom, I wake up 2-3 times a night. Not always because Maya is crying but because my body has become so accustomed to it. Each time I wake I am very anxious. This is not an emotion I like to have at any hour of the day, let alone 3am. I have always proclaimed myself to be an anxious person. Everything I have ever read or watched regarding anxiety has told me that I am in control of this, which I wholeheartedly believe. So, I’ve
A) recognized the problem
B) admitted I am part of the problem so why can’t I
C) my way out of it? (That’s super corny, I know but I swear it just flowed so naturally I had to include it lol).
Along with experiencing anxiety, I’ve been very angry. Angry with how my day begins if Maya had a rough night and still wakes up at 6am in go mode. Angry at my dogs for barking when I’m just trying to have 3 minutes of silence (they just barked as a typed this and had to tell myself to chill the F out). And most of all I am angry with myself for not getting my career off the ground before popping out a baby. I know that everything in this life happens for a reason; I really believe that. But freewill can really put bumps in the road. Most of the time, I am in my own way and my internal struggles and my fuming anger that seems inescapable is just the Universe telling me to do better, fight through it and excel. No one cares that I’m a new Mom trying to figure it out; Everyone has their own world of problems to work through. I am not saying I don’t feel supported; I am simply acknowledging that we all have the same 24 hours and I am wasting my time being angry at myself and living in the past.
Now back to the importance of a morning wellness routine.
Since I was a toddler, I have been a morning person. I thrive in the morning. I used to wake up, go into my parents’ room and stand on my Mom’s side of the bed staring at her until she sensed my presence and woke up.
Man, that must’ve been annoying...
Before going downstairs to fix my breakfast she would give herself a few moments to brush her teeth, wash her face (always followed by proper moisturizing) and put on her morning robe to start the day. Being a parent now, I see just how necessary those moments are. If I have time to exfoliate my face in the morning, I am a whole new woman. I am not joking; I take that time very seriously. It’s quite easy to lose yourself when you become a parent. Hats off to the women who haven’t encountered these hurdles, if you exist; But I can’t put up a perfect Mom facade even if I tried to.
Maya is almost 1 year old, and it’s taken me this entire year to really decide that I want to be a working Mom. All this anger I feel toward myself doesn’t have to be; But I think I spent too much time thinking an opportunity would fall into my lap. But this isn’t TV and luck favors those who work hard so I have to get with it. Now.